November 29, 2005 - kenshinjeff
Love, like a jigsaw piece
Couldn’t sleep well again today. There’s an exam later at 1pm too. God, when is this ever going to end.
It feels like an eternity, waiting for the exams to end.
Not being able to sleep in peace doesn’t quite help too.
I can’t help wondering how life is like a huge jigsaw puzzle, and my relationship is like a jigsaw piece; it seems to fit, and yet, it doesn’t exactly. It completely blends in with the surroundings, the tone is perfect, the shape is right, but when you slot it in, it takes a little bit more effort than usual, which is conveniently attributed to a slight manufacturer fault, thus clouding a small, seemingly unnoticeable void.
And slowly, you continue to look for pieces which fit in with the rest of the jigsaw, as it was supposed to be.
There are times, where it would seem that the rest of the puzzle is a little tougher than expected, and a short rest is required to clear your thoughts.
There are also times, when you try hard to combine larger pieces together, to fit into corners of the jigsaw. Ever so pleased with yourself on such a success, you venture upon greater heights, whirling back and forth with much gusto, as you see your re-creation taking form.
Much care is often required for such a task, especially so if your foundations aren’t firm enough, an accidental brush of an over anxious elbow, a knock to the fragile legs of the table, always manages to put one back in schedule.
It perpetually pleases you to know that the piece you scoured for, is still firmly holding on to the rest of the pieces around it, while the rest of the flimsy ones fall onto the ground. You pick those pieces up and you start over again.
But when you are nearing the end of your puzzle, you slowly realise that something seems to be a little off. A part of the puzzle doesn’t seem to be solvable. You start taking out bits and pieces of the puzzle to look for the missing link.
You search everywhere, except the place where you least expect it to be.
Then it finally dawns upon you.
You look around, in disbelief, unwilling to accept such a twist. After all, it was the piece that held the rest of the puzzle when all other pieces were scattered, it was the piece, that very piece which blended with its surroundings.
“It cannot be”, you tell yourself.
“There can’t possibly be another slot for this piece!”, you exclaim.
Grudgingly, you take out the piece reluctantly, keeping it in your hands, in hopes that you will never need to find the other piece.
You fit other pieces first, and gradually, you find that there are fewer and fewer options. You pretend that you don’t see the pieces which are similar to the one you are holding, but eventually, you will pick it up.
Fearing for the worst, you pick it up and you find that it is, indeed, a better fit.
And this is where you let go of the piece that you held, ever so tightly in your hands…
You get so angry at the entire jigsaw, that you slam the table, scattering the perfect pieces, angry at yourself for choosing that particular jigsaw.
As the anger subsides, you realise that, this is, indeed, the jigsaw that you chose, because the jigsaw represents a part you, which you chose to live as.
Slowly, you being to pick up the fallen pieces of your scattered life, and you begin life anew.
Maybe after a long while when you are at the end of the jigsaw, you will forget that piece that caused your joys and sorrows.
Maybe you will find another precious piece to hold.
Maybe you won’t be able to fully complete the jigsaw now that it’s all over the place.
I am so pleased that I finally managed to finish writing this. I feel so much better and I should be able to sleep now. I am such a good writer : )
Please do not show any indifference towards me after reading this, I resent that alot. I simply do not want people to keep asking what’s on your mind these days. If you want to tell me something, leave it here.