February 11, 2009 - kenshinjeff

much has changed since then

I once had a wonderful love who’ld love me in return, a happy family which I’ld be proud to show everyone, a great job of which I could sleep till ungodly hours, and many good friends to who’s company could be enjoyed till daybreak. That period was one of the best times in my life.

I broke up before my birthday, because it was not going the way I wanted it to go for a pretty long time. It was not really anyone’s fault, and I don’t blame anyone for it, and I do still cherish the wonderful times we had while we were happily together.

My parents were in the middle of a divorce, it’s not something I’ld like to comment on as it’s not really my place, and I couldn’t really do anything about it. I’ve not invited people over to my place for a very long time, because I’m not too proud of what it has become.

I quit my job the beginning of last year, I’ll never go back to it, because it was getting too boring for me, and if I ever want to do it again, I’ll do it in a different way, one that will be more fulfilling for me.

Nowadays, I’m still left with many good friends, which is great, because not too many people that I know have many great friends. Unfortunately, since then, I’ve changed a little here and there. For one, I’ve been slightly less forgiving with my comments. For those who have known me long enough, I’m probably somewhere near that rebellious rude little fucker when I was around 19.

Basically, if you were one of the unfortunate ones whom I met from say, around ’08, I was not exactly the same person I was before that. Then again, I have always been relatively nice enough to people to warrant a blind eye being turned when I say or do nasty things, so it’s actually not that bad, but I just wanted to say that could have been a much nicer person, if you had met me on a normal day.

I go to work with somewhat proper working attire shoes, pants and shirts, to show that I am serious about the job. Save the hair, I tried to lose the colours and do it black, but doing that really just made me lose my identity, so I kept the hair, the earring and the rings.

It’s not exactly easy to continue working as I have been for past year, there’s responsibilities from the job, ungodly expectations to meet, impossible tasks, family quarrels being mixed with work, not to mention falling out of love and profits. But I’m pretty proud of the decision I made to help out in the family business, considering that I have been pretty lucky in both of my businesses. It’s looking pretty stable now, with everyone trying to get it back on track, and I would love to expand it overseas. I am going to be the youngest, most eligible prince of fire fighting in the 7 seas! Save for my brother, if he decides to help out full time, then I will be the second youngest, but STILL the most eligible prince of fire fighting! : x

I wear two rings on my left hand to remind myself that I had loved and have been loved before, they will be there until the day I find a new person to love and be loved. I am sure that one day, I will be able to find this special person, who can reciprocate my love. As I have always been, I don’t care what other people say about putting too much effort to love another person, or if this person will ever appear in my life, or if I made the wrong decision with my last love. If I love again, I will put everything into it. I have done it once; I can do it again and again and again! Preferably not so many “agains” of course, one would be more than sufficient. I am confident that to say that, one day, I will be able to find such a person, and I will be able to make my special person smile and be happy with me for the rest of my life, as she will be able to make me smile and love her for the rest of her life.

I think I’ve finished almost everything I wanted to say, and finally for myself; it’s about time I fixed myself, since I’m pretty good at coming up with solutions and I have always been neglecting myself. I’m going to learn driving *gasp* by the end of this year, so that I can work sufficiently enough extra hours to earn optimise my “time spent in office” vs “time spent outside office”. Don’t worry guys, I won’t become a workaholic *HA!* I’ll probably be home by 7+.

Note to self: You wrote this entry, to remember the good days that you once had, and the great days you will create for yourself! If you’re in a rut, read this again, don’t give in to bad emotions, because you know, every second spent being unhappy, is a second wasted on being happy, and being happy is the most important thing to you! Don’t waste it! You’re not going to live long enough to regret wasting it!

There! I feel so much better! Take that, and that and that! You stupid 25 things about me meme!

emo / HOW-TOS / self discovery / yang


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